One Dependancy that Unintentionally Hurts Your Child’s Self-Self belief #raisingconfidentkids #parenting

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One Dependancy that Unintentionally Hurts Your Child’s Self-Self belief #raisingconfidentkids #parenting


There Colleen Adrien here today and I want totalk to you about how helping your child can sometimes not always but sometimes undermine theirconfidence I'm going to tell you a little story so when my son was younger he might have been I don'tknow for sure he might have been around nine or so and um his dad's birthday was coming up and hewas really excited about it and so he was making some cookies and we were eating um gluten-free anddairyfree at the time so he found this recipe in this cookbook that I had and it was quite detailedthere was a lot of ingredients and you know he was on it he loves to he still loves to cook he's 20now and so he's making these cookies he's in the kitchen he's doing his own thing and I pop inthere and the cookies have um some coconut in them he hasn't made the cookies before it's a newrecipe to him so he's looking at the recipe and.

He says you know he says I'm not going to put thecoconut in he says I don't like coconut and um the recipe I had a look at the recipe and there wasn'tvery many ingredients in it and um the coconut was quite a substantial amount and I thought youknow I wonder if they're going to work out like he might need to replace it with something so Ivolunteered without being asked um a suggestion I said you know I said you could put some you knowhemp seeds or something else into replace them and I I'll never forget his body response because hehad been excited he had been doing his own thing and his body kind of slumped and then I saw hismomentum slow down he became indecisive he wasn't sure what he wanted to do anymore um he knew hedidn't want to put the hemp seeds in he's like I don't like hemp seeds and he resisted me on thatbut I could tell that his whole energy had shifted.

And I felt it I saw it visually and I also feltit and I was like wow like I really bought it in and I shouldn't have so um I thought about ita lot and I actually wrote I probably have an article somewhere I I should look it up becauseI could link it below um I I wrote about it and I really realized the extent to which helpingyour kids when you're when they haven't asked can undermine their confidence um and it reallyundermines their willingness to be spontaneous and to just try things right um and I watched myself Ibecame more aware after that and I noticed um how you know like I still occasionally automaticallyjumped in and helped where it wasn't asked for and it often shifted his energy and over time yourkids tend to become less confident or um you might notice that instead of just jumping in and tryingsomething they're kind of looking up at you and.

Going uh you know should I do it this way or canI do it this way so um it it really it really can have a big impact and we tend to do this um ifwe're a little bit hypervigilant or if we're a little bit um anxious ourselves and I'm speakingfrom my own experience so this might not be the case for you everybody's a little bit differentbut I um have tended to be a little bit hyper viil Vigilant and a little bit anxious just in generaland so tending to pay attention to what he's doing and sometimes that's really positive and reallysupportive but when it comes to this kind of helping or offering unsolicited unsolicited adviceum often it um undermines U my it undermined my son's confidence and his um his willingness totake risks basically and to be creative and to just try things spontaneously so I invite you tojust pay attention this isn't um you know this.

Isn't a Harden fast do this or don't do that or umyou know I don't um what do I want to say I want to say just just get curious about what's goingon notice your child's response noticing notice what you are feeling inclined to do when it comesto helping and notice whether you need to help is there a safety issue or are you maybe anticipatingsomething that could happen down the line but that may not actually even happen and are you um areyou able to just kind of hold back and let your child carry on and support them at a point thatthey do need help if that actually happens um thanks for listening if you have any questionsor comments as always i' love to hear them

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3 thoughts on “One Dependancy that Unintentionally Hurts Your Child’s Self-Self belief #raisingconfidentkids #parenting

  1. My son in actual fact appreciates solutions that he didn't take into account, but he does thrust wait on when it's a critique of 'how' to keep something so I are attempting to withstand & grab my tongue. Afterwards we would query him what does he take into account he would possibly perhaps perhaps well also like completed in but any other plan, at that time we keep suggestions if he hasn't figured out what went deplorable – he responds significantly better than when he's in the course of doing something.

  2. The starting of the tale you mentioned that the recipe had a entire lot of gear but then, whereas you discuss the coconut omission, you mentioned it didn’t like very many substances? I stop listening after this.

  3. Yesss! These solutions in actual fact abet something I'm attempting. I’m engaged on a creative mission with teenagers by plan of zoom, with the draw of them feeling pudgy possession of the mission. I seen without delay I become as soon as having to drag all of the (expansive and wildly fervent) parents apart and query them to thrill shhhhh and let the teenagers danger shoot the issues themselves. The impulse to present unsolicited recommendation become as soon as MASSIVE in all cases and appears to be a deeply ingrained behavior. And likely, it's stunning. The most tentative youngster of the neighborhood does happen to love THE most unstoppably fervent father or mother.

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